


Honey, Have You Seen My Pants?

by nosecrinkle



Series: Kylux Twitter Fics [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 21:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18978271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecrinkle/pseuds/nosecrinkle
Summary: Being on the receiving end of affection is difficult when you don't think you deserve it.





	Honey, Have You Seen My Pants?

"Honey, have you seen my pants?"

"The fuck did you just call me?"

"Oh. You don't like honey? What about baby? Is baby ok? Babe?"

"I have a name!"

"I mean, yeah, but ... Sorry. Have you seen my pants, though?"

Hux sighed, "Yeah, they're in the bathroom."

They'd been hooking up for ... longer than Hux would like to admit. Things were getting sort of serious. Not I-love-you serious, but keeping-clothes-at-each-other's-homes serious. Thinking about it, they'd been running errands together lately too. Huh.

Kylo, now wearing pants, kissed the top of Hux's head and pulled on a jacket. "Want me to grab some food on the way home? That Indian place you like?"

"Remind them not to--"

"Give us the spicy rice, I know."

"Make them repeat it back to you--"

"To make sure, yeah, I know, babe. I'll see you later," Kylo winked and headed out.

"That's not my name," Hux sighed in his empty apartment. He rubbed his cheeks. They felt hot under his palms. Stupid Kylo and his stupid nicknames.

Working from home had its good sides and its bad sides. One of the bad sides was how easy it was for Hux to work at all hours of the day. He was still working when Kylo came back from work, food in tow.

Kylo dropped the bags on the dining table, careful not to get grease on Hux's papers.

"Did you remember--"

"I made them repeat the order back to me, and I checked before I left, yes," Kylo smiled, amusement clear in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed the apple of Hux's cheek. "How was your day?"

Hux ducked his head to hide the flush creeping up the back of his neck. "It was fine. Got a lot done."

"Good," Kylo said, and closed Hux's laptop.

"Hey!"

"Food. I doubt you've had anything since I left this morning."

"I--"

Kylo raised a challenging brow. Hux deflated and pushed his laptop away.

"No, I haven't had anything. Was going to, but I got distracted."

Kylo hummed, and began pulling food out of their bags and unwrapping the containers. He didn't chastise Hux; he didn't have to. Hux felt bad all on his own.

Hux shuffled his papers into some semblance of order, putting them to the side, so they had room to eat. He got up to get them plates and flatwear from the kitchen.

They ended the night in the living room; Hux curled up in the arm chair, Kylo slung on the sofa. Kylo was keeping up with a show on TV, that Hux didn't particularly care for, but he didn't mind. Hux rarely ever watched TV.

"Stop making that face and get over here," Kylo said.

"What face?" Hux grunted.

"Your 'I wanna cuddle but I'm too proud to ask for it' face."

Hux scoffed. "Please. I'm not a child."

"You're not, but you still want a cuddle. Come on."

Hux turned enough to see Kylo patting the sofa. He rolled his eyes, but moved to lie down infront of Kylo. Kylo kissed his ear, and pulled him to his chest. Hux hadn't bought his sofa with anything but sitting in mind, but he was happy the expensive sofa was good for more than its intended purpose.

They watched TV silently for a while, until Kylo leaned in, nuzzling into the back Hux's neck. "You can ask for things, you know. I don't mind," he whispered softly.

"I don't need things."

"No, I know. But you can still ask for them." Kylo chuckled. "There's not a whole lot I wouldn't do for you. If you asked."

The screen became blurry to the point where Hux couldn't see it anymore. He swallowed a couple of times, but he could tell there was no way he could respond and still sound dignified. Instead, he made an affirmative sound, and tried to wipe his nose subtlely. If Kylo noticed, Hux couldn't tell.

Kylo curled up around his body, slotting his knee between Hux's, splaying his hand across Hux's middle. They were both big men, but Kylo was just that bit bigger.

Hux must have drifted off, because the next thing he knew, was Kylo saying his name and squeezing his shoulder gently. They weren't that many years apart, but sometimes Hux felt a hundred years old next to Kylo.

They shared the bathroom as they got ready for bed. When Kylo had stopped asking if he could spend the night, Hux didn't know. He didn't mind much, anyway. Hux didn't like being touched in his sleep, so sharing a bed had always been a bit iffy, but Kylo was surprisingly good at respecting Hux's boundaries. Plus, Kylo never slept much, so there was always coffee waiting for him when he woke up, which was nice.

He wouldn't admit to it out loud, but Kylo being the last thing he saw before falling asleep, was also really nice.

They curled up in bed, under their own duvets. Hux in pajamas, Kylo in some of Hux's old sweatpants. Kylo brushed the hair away from Hux's forehead, before Hux rolled over, and kissed him softly.

"Goodnight, Hux," he smiled.

  
  


  
  


  
  


Waking up wasn't always fun, but waking to the smell of coffee and Kylo muttering to himself wasn't half bad. After rubbing the worst of the gunk out of his eyes, Hux could see the two steaming mugs on the night stand on Kylo's side of the bed. Kylo was sitting against the headboard, Hux's tablet in his lap, muttering about how all the buttons were too small for his fingers.

Hux yawned under the covers, before reaching for the tablet. "You can make them bigger," he said hoarsely.

"You're awake," Kylo said, while handing over the tablet.

"Obviously." Hux fiddled with the settings. He'd offered to get Kylo a tablet of his own, but he insisted he didn't want one, despite carrying Hux's around every single weekend.

The exchanged tablet for coffee, and Hux sat up, blinking blearily.

"Wanna do anything today?" Kylo asked. He got a grunt in return and smiled to himself. Hux was not a morning person. Kylo put the tablet down, and curled up, head in Hux's lap, waiting for Hux to wake up some more. "Don't spill on me."

"'M not gonna waste perfectly good coffee," Hux huffed.

"We could go to that museum with the planes you've been talking about. I know it was a while ago, but I checked and the special exhibit is still there." Hux didn't reply, so Kylo turned, looking up at Hux. "Baby?"

Hux closed his eyes tightly. "It's too fucking early for that shit, Kylo, please, stop."

"For what?" he frowned.

"The fucking-- The petnames."

Kylo pouted a little. "You don't like baby either?"

"What's wrong with my name?"

"There's nothing wrong with your name! I just--" Kylo sat up, rubbing his hand down his face. "I like you and I like to express that. If you don't like names, that's. I'll try harder not to call you any, but you have to let me express it somehow."

"You already do," Hux sighed, and put his coffee down. He pushed it to the far edge of the night stand, knowing Kylo liked to gesture wildly. "Why isn't that enough?"

Kylo laughed humourlessly. "Are you for real? You won't even let me hold your hand in public!"

"So? There's no reason for you to do so. It's not like I'm likely to get lost."

Kylo made a frustrated sound. "Ok, first of all? I've lost you in crowds more than once. Two, I want to hold you hand because I love you, and I can't fucking stand it when people hit on you right in front of me. And they do. All the fucking time. But you hate when I get aggressive, so I don't. I don't tell them you're mine, even when every fiber of my being is screaming for me to do so."

"What?"

"What?"

Hux opened and closed his mouth, struggling through the sleepiness still clinging to his brain. "That's ... You don't mean that."

"What? That I care about you?" Kylo huffed. He felt weird not wearing a shirt, so he grabbed one from the floor. He didn't realize it wasn't his, till he'd already pulled it on. It wasn't quite long enough, but the conversation took precedence. "Is it really that hard to believe that there are people who genuinely want you around?"

"Fuck you."

Kylo sighed. He tried, he really did, but he could rarely keep up with Hux's thinking. "Is it a homophobia thing?"

"Excuse me?" Hux snarled.

"Do you not want people to know? Is it because I'm a guy?"

"Why would-- No! I don't care about your gender!"

"So you just don't want people to know that someone loves you?"

Hux floundered for a moment. "I'm not doing this," he said, and threw off the covers. The bathroom was the only room with a lock, so that's where he went. He sunk to the floor, sitting on the tiles next to the laundry basket. It was muted, but he could still hear Kylo walking across the floor, and stopping infront of the door.

"Hux."

"No."

Kylo sighed. It was followed by a thunk, which was probably Kylo leaning his head against the door.

"Open the door, please?"

"No."

The bathroom wasn't the best idea. Hux could already hear his heavy breathing echo off of the tiles. Why couldn't he just leave it alone? Even if you did love someone, you didn't have to say it out loud! He was already having sex with Kylo, why would he bring feelings into it?

"I'm sorry," Kylo said.

Hux bit his hand to keep quiet.

"I know you don't like to talk about feelings. Or personal stuff." The light under the door moved with Kylo's steps. "You don't-- You don't have to say it back, you know. It's ok if you don't love me back."

Hux sniffled into his elbow. It sounded genuine. Kylo was always genuine, but his words were still hard to believe. Hux did believe him, in an abstract sort of way.

"I know you probably haven't been told a whole lot - if at all. I guess that's why I wanted you to know," Kylo said. "Even if you don't have feelings for me, I wanted you to know I have feelings for you. That you can be loved, or whatever."

Hux knew how to cry silently, but his body was refusing to cooperate.

"Let me in, please?" Kylo asked. "Not emotionally, just. Could you open the door? Please?"

Hux took a few deep breaths. When those didn't help, he got to his feet and turned on the faucet. He wet a towel and rubbed it over his face. It didn't help much. His eyes, nose and cheeks were still red and puffy. He felt a sob getting stuck in his throat, and clutched the sides of the sink.

With shaky hands, he turned the lock, but didn't move from the sink. Kylo didn't barge in, but waited a few moments, before carefully turning the handle. He didn't speak. Hux could feel him standing close, but didn't open his eyes to make sure.

"I'm sorry I upset you."

"Yeah, well." It hurt to speak. His throat felt slimy and rough. He rubbed the wet towel over his eyes again, and looked in the mirror. Kylo was leaning against the wall, face neutral. "You look ridiculous," Hux remarked.

Kylo looked at his midriff, where the shirt didn't quite cover him. "My boyfriend's a twink. Sorry."

It surprised a laugh out of Hux. It was rough and it hurt, but it was enough to break some of the tension.

Kylo rubbed his lower back and kissed his shoulder. "An elderly twink," he said, and tugged on Hux's pajamas.

"Oh, fuck off, you think it's endearing."

"God help me, but I do," Kylo said, and looped his arms around Hux from behind.

Hux rubbed the worst of the snot on the towel and washed his hands, sniffing intermittently. "Why don't you keep pajamas at my place?"

"I slept naked before I met you."

Hux raised a brow in the mirror.

"I don't like sleeping with clothes on, but you told me not to rub my ass on your furniture, so I compromised."

"Underwear would've fixed it just as well."

Kylo scoffed. "You're great and all, but I will not wear underwear for you. Hard pass." Kylo tightened his arms around Hux's waist, and Hux immediately started protesting, knowing exactly where things were headed. Easy as anything, Kylo picked him up, and carried him back to bed.

Once back in bed, Hux quieted down. The snot in his nose shifted, and he had to blow his nose again. Discarding the tissue, he noticed his still mostly full coffee. It was probably cold now.

Kylo reached across and plucked the mug. "I'll get you some water; you'll probably get a headache later."

Protesting was kind of pointless at this point, so Hux didn't bother. He stayed where Kylo had put him, only shifting to pull his duvet back on. He downed half the glass Kylo handed to him, in a few big gulps. Kylo graciously stayed quiet while he drank, lying silently beside him. The glass was put on the night stand, and Hux curled up, facing Kylo. He would rather be running away, but Kylo was much more agile, and Hux was tired.

"So," Kylo began, "do you not like to talk about it, or do you really not know?"

"Know what?"

"Why I can't touch you in public."

Hux mulled it over. "I don't know."

"Do you--" Kylo stopped himself, biting his lip in thought. "Do you not like when I touch you?"

Hux was about to make a joke, make light of the whole thing, but Kylo's face made him stutter. Kylo was serious. "I-- I do like it. I do."

Haltingly, Kylo snuck his hand under the duvet, looking for Hux's. Hux met him halfway, letting Kylo curl his fingers around his own.

Hux licked his lips, eyes darting around, not comfortable meeting Kylo's. "I guess I don't-- I don't know what to do. When you touch me. If it's, if it's sex, I know, but. You touch me outside of sex."

"And that's ... bad?"

"No," Hux shook his head. "I just-- I don't know what to do about it. No one's done that before. No one's wanted to, I guess."

Kylo's eyes were wide when Hux finally looked.

"Ok, I'm gonna need you to stop, or I'm gonna cry."

Hux frowned. "Why?"

Kylo's voice was a bit thick, a bit deep, when he replied, "I know I've joked about it, but I know what you looked like as a kid, and I cannot handle the thought of that kid not being hugged." Kylo dug a knuckle into his eye. "Fuck."

Alarmed, Hux came out of the duvet and touched Kylo's cheek gently. "Don't be upset, I'm sure lots of kids don't get hugs."

Kylo, clearly baffled, wrapped his arms around Hux and pulled him close. "Please, stop talking."

"But you wanted to talk!" Hux said, muffled into Kylo's shoulder.

"Not about your awful childhood, no."

"It wasn't--" Hux faltered. "Well. I suppose it was," he sighed. He was half on top of Kylo, but it wasn't very comfortable. Shifting his weight, Hux settled more comfortably on top of Kylo, allowing him to hug Hux properly.

"I hate that you don't think you deserves this," Kylo muttered. He buried his fingers in Hux's hair. It was still messy from sleep, and tangled on the side he'd slept on. Some of the knots caught on Kylo's fingers, making Hux wince.

"But I haven't really done anything."

Kylo made a pitiful little noise, and cupped Hux's face, forcing him to look at him. "You don't have to earn it," he said sternly. "If you never do anything for me ever again, I'll still love you the same. It's not about that. I love you because you're you, not for what you can do for me. You want to spend time with me - I'm already getting more than I could possibly ask for."

Hux couldn't move his head while Kylo was holding it, so he had to make do with just averting his eyes. "You like spending time with me?"

"Oh, honey," Kylo whispered. "I do. So much."

"But we don't, we don't go out much, we're always just here?"

Kylo nodded. "And I love that. You're always so sweet to me. And you're funny and unpredictable, and it's exciting - I never know what you're gonna do next."

"That's not-- No, I'm indecisive and, and unreliable, that's not--" Kylo squeezed his face before he could go on. "Ow."

"When have you ever left me hanging? Hm? When my dad was in the hospital and I couldn't go alone? When my bathroom was getting redone and I needed a place to stay? When they withheld my paycheck and I couldn't pay my rent?"

"That's diff-- Ow!"

Kylo let up, stroking Hux's cheeks, where he squeezed too tightly. "I never asked, Hux. You offered. I didn't have the balls to ask for help, and you offered. You took care of me. You always do." He pulled Hux down, kissing him softly. "How could I not love you?" He whispered into the kiss.

Hux kept his eyes closed. He swallowed and rubbed his nose, hoping he wouldn't cry again. "Is it really that important to you? The names and the, the physical affection?"

"With you? Yes," Kylo said, like it was that simple. To him it was. "I've never thought of myself as an affectionate person, but. I am with you."

Hux sighed, and wiggled, sitting up. Kylo moved with him, to keep them on equal footing. "What if ... What if I don't like it?"

"Then you tell me," Kylo said, and took Hux's hand, lacing their fingers. "Thing is, I think you do."

"What makes you say that?" Hux muttered.

"Because you smile. When I hold you. You're not really a smiley person, but you are with me. When it's just us."

Hux rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. "I like when it's just us. Being alone with you."

"Me too," Kylo said, and kissed Hux's cheek. "And it's ok if you want it to stay between us, but I just-- I need to know why, ok? I need to know why you don't want me to do it where other people can see. Knowing why matters to me."

Hux had to think about it. Kylo waited patiently; he got up and fetched some more water for Hux, before settling down and playing with Hux's fingers.

"I think," Hux cleared his throat. "I don't want people to feel sorry for me."

"Ok," Kylo frowned. "Why would they feel sorry for you?"

"If-- If you hold my hand, they'd know we're together, right? Or at least assume that we are. And," Hux fidgeted. "You're so handsome and I'm ... I dress better than you, and I don't-- I don't want people to think that you settled for me, or you're with me because I have money."

Perplexed, Kylo stared at Hux for an unnerving amount of time. "Let me get this straight - you think I'm better looking than you? That, that we're somehow not in the same league?"

"We're not."

"Ok, what the fuck. Hux. You're the most attractive man that I have ever been with. The most attractive person period. You're gorgeous, Hux, what the fuck?"

"No, I-- No."

"Baby," Kylo cupped his face. "Darling, light of my life - are your eyes failing you? Do you need glasses?"

"My eyes are fine?"

"Oh, honey," Kylo pouted and pulled Hux into his lap. "God, even if I was with you for-- Being your sugar baby would be an honour and a privilege, ok? If people think that, let them. It doesn't change a thing."

Mushed into Kylo's shoulder, Hux asked, confused, "What's a sugar baby?"

"Something you will never have, if I have anything to say about it."

"Sugar babies are bad?"

"For someone with a heart as big as yours? Yes."

Hux hummed, and let himself be held. "I always thought I was kind of an asshole," he remarked.

Kylo chuckled. "Oh, you're definitely an asshole - but a caring one. Remember the first time we slept together?"

"Vaguely. I was wine drunk."

"The sex was subpar," Kylo laughed. "But in the morning, you let me take one of your sweaters, because I got come on mine. It was a really nice sweater, and you didn't even know if you'd get it back."

"You never gave it back, you know," Hux leaned back enough to look at Kylo. "But you were going to work and the print on your t-shirt was inappropriate for a work setting!"

"I've worn worse," Kylo shrugged. "I still have your sweater, but I don't want to give it back."

Hux quirked a brow. "What's worse than an ANTIFA shirt? No, don't answer that, I've met your coworkers."

"My point is," Kylo said and poked Hux's belly. "You've been taking care of me from day one."

"So?"

"It's why I love you. You didn't have to, but you did anyway. It feels good when people look out for you." Kylo looked at him meaningfully. "Especially when you don't think you deserve it."

The whole talking about feelings thing, was a lot more exhausting than Hux thought it would be. He was more than ready to go back to bed. Or under the covers, rather, as they were still sitting in bed. He steeled himself for a moment, and said, "If it means that much to you, I suppose holding hands in public is alright."

"Yeah?" Kylo smiled.

"Yeah," Hux agreed. "And maybe, maybe one petname wouldn't be the worst. But just the one!"

Kylo bit back a grin. "Which one? You haven't heard all of them, I've got more."

Blushing, Hux looked down. "I uhm ... light of my life was nice?"

"You liked that one, huh? Bit old school, a lot romantic?" He teased.

"Nothing wrong with a classic."

Kylo pulled him close again, nuzzling the crook of Hux's neck. "They're classics for a reason. Like flowers. And chocolate." He kissed Hux's ear, and whispered, "Can I get you flowers for your birthday?"

Hux shivered, as Kylo snuck his hands up under his pajama top, fingers dancing across his back. "That's four months from now, you think we'll still be together then?"

"I'm counting on it." Kylo nipped at his earlobe. "I'm starting to get really good at taking care of you, would be a shame to stop now."

Hux hummed in acknowledgement. "You weren't very good at first."

"I wasn't," Kylo said. "But you didn't make me feel bad about it. You never do when I fuck up."

"Of course not," Hux huffed. "That would just stunt your progress; or make you stop all together."

Kylo smiled. "See? Always so sweet to me."

"I'm not being sweet, I'm being practical! If you want to train a dog, you give them treats for a job well done, you don't yell at them. Brains don't work that way."

Kylo barked loudly, startling Hux. Heart still racing, he said, "I know you think you're cute, but I've seen you speak to your mother on the phone. When she yells at you, you're shellshocked for days."

"You made me a cake the last time I spoke to her," Kylo pointed out. "Would you do that for a dog?"

"... I think we've lost the metaphor."

"Fine," Kylo sighed. "I won't tell anyone you're actually gooey in the middle. Not that I'm gonna share you with anyone, ever, mind you."

Hux was blushing quite profusely, but powered through, "About that - you called me your boyfriend. We haven't discussed that."

Kylo looked guilty briefly, before shyly offering, "Hux, would you like to be my boyfriend?"

"What?" Hux choked, tears welling up in his eyes.

"We can call it something else if you don't like that word!" Kylo added hastily. "We can call it partners! Why are you crying? Hux, what did I do? What did I say?" Panicking, Kylo kept pulling Hux's hands away from his face, because he kept trying to hide behind them. "Why are you upset?"

"You can't--" Hux sobbed. "You can't just ask me that!"

"Why not?"

"I'm fragile, Kylo! I haven't even dealt with you loving me yet!"

"But I thought we already were!"

"Why would you think that!"

"How could I not? We're practically living together!" All that did, was pull another sob from Hux, and Kylo felt even worse. "I severely underestimated how bad I am at this."

"You think?" Hux sniffled.

"I've been doing so well in therapy, though! I thought I could do this!"

"You are doing well! You're doing so well and I'm so proud of you, but this is not like therapy."

It was Kylo's turn to get verklempt. "You're proud of me?"

Hux sniffled and coughed, trying to get his bodily fluids under control. "Of course I am! You've been doing so well - especially lately. You had that fight at work, but you didn't break anything or hurt anyone! You handled that so well, Kylo."

"Oh god. Ok," Kylo croaked and wiped his eyes. "We need, we need tissues. Where are the tissues?"

"Night stand drawer."

Kylo wrapped an arm around Hux's middle, to keep him from toppling over, while he reached for the drawer. A handful of tissues later, they looked at each other with red eyes and red noses.

"Maybe we should put a pin in it; come back to it later."

Hux nodded, feeling very worn. "We haven't even had breakfast yet."

"Eggs?" Kylo suggested.

"Do I have eggs?"

"I got some when I went to the store the other day."

Hux furrowed his brow. "You went to the store for me?"

"You had a deadline and your fridge was empty. Wasn't a bother," Kylo said, and kissed his forehead. "I'll put the kettle on. Go wash your face or something," he said and headed for the kitchen. "Sometimes I wonder how you survived without me!"

"Me too," Hux said to himself.

  
  


  
  


  
  


Pleasantly full of breakfast foods, they curled up on the sofa together. For once, Hux didn't pretend he didn't want to sit with Kylo. Instead of going to the museum, they watched a documentary Hux had been meaning to watch for a while. Hux could feel Kylo dosing behind him, snuffling himself awake here and there. Hux didn't blame him; he'd gone back for seconds and thirds, after Hux had finished eating.

Halfway through the documentary, Hux made sure to wait for a moment where Kylo was fully awake, and said, "I don't mind the word boyfriend."

He could feel Kylo holding his breath for a beat.

"I don't mind it when it's you calling me yours." Hux squeaked a little when Kylo hugged him tightly.

"Is that a yes?" Kylo smiled against the back of his neck.

"No," Hux laughed softly. "It's an I love you."

 


End file.
